I can't believe I'm starting this thing again. I'm not going to promise anything specific when it comes to this blog or frequency of the posts, but I am looking forward to being able to have a place to post our plans and updates as they happen! This will be mostly a creative outlet for me, so we will just go from there and see what happens!

hmmm, where should I begin?

I guess maybe the best place to start is -- well-- at the beginning. How about some serious before pictures. Pictures of our new space before we gutted it. Before we started the transformation process and the years and years, we will have, of living in a fixer upper. I honestly don't really know what it's like to not live in a space that is under construction.  Every house that we have ever owned has been a fixer upper (well, the two that we have lived in thus far) and I'm pretty sure the carpenter and I wouldn't know what to do with ourselves if we didn't have a constant project to work on. We'd. Be. Bored.

Ok, where was I? Oh yes, the beginning. Let's start with how we ended up purchasing this house. I remember it like it was yesterday. Two dear friends had both recommended this house to us. They didn't know each other, but they also knew our hearts and when they passed by this diamond in the rough, they called us to suggest it to us as a potential next house. We weren't really in the market for a house--sure, we had dreamed of a bigger space--but we also thought that we might just end up adding on to our current space and transforming it into something that would be enough space for our growing family.

But enter this house and we were both pretty sold on it before we even went to visit it. The first time we walked through the back door, I was enamored with the porch. The three seasons porch was spacious and everything I never knew I wanted. It's a good thing that it hooked me in, because it was going to be the only space in the entire house that we weren't really going to have to do any work too. Yes, this was the nicest part of the home. Definitely nothing to write home about. 

And as we walked through the rest of the house, we saw a TON of potential. So much potential in the tobacco stained kitchen, gross laundry room, and dated bathroom (it didn't even have a shower in it!!). 

We knew that if we could get this house for the right price, it would be the perfect place for us. A ridiculous amount of work, but we had grown accustom to this work and truly loved the idea of putting our personalized stamp on our home. Literal blood, sweat, and tears. 

To make a long story short, we looked at it three times in a few days and decided to put in an offer. Well, apparently there was an offer on the table, already, which was $10,000 more than we had offered. We said we could only go $5,000 higher and left it at that. Oh well. We were sad but understood our financial limitations and were unwilling to compromise them.

I told Jonathan and my best friend that I didn't know how, but I felt like the house was going to be ours and that we were just supposed to wait and let God do His work.

A week went by and our realtor suggested other homes to us. We were also encouraged to write a letter to the siblings who owned the house, hoping it would some how help. Then on a Friday morning, as I was hurriedly trying to get out the door with D and L, I got a call from our realtor. She explained that the lady who was "in charge," one of the five siblings who currently owned the home, recognized Jonathan's name. (He had mentioned that her name sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite figure it out) Well turns out, he had remodeled their kitchen and because of that, they wanted us to have the house!!  Just like that. Done.

$5,000 below the highest offer they had received and $10,000 below what they said was the minimum they would take. To make the situation even better, when I called my mom to tell her the news, she said that she had prayed that God would move mountains and that we would get a call FRIDAY morning that we got the house!!!

So it's been almost 3 years since we moved into this place. I cannot believe it. Let's finish up the rest of the before pictures, so we can get to the current state of our house! The next pictures are the rest of our first floor. The dining room, living room, school room, and play room.

Sorry for the horrible picture quality, but it's hard when you are wrangling two kids and trying to take pictures in a house with no overhead lighting or dead light bulbs! Trust me, it was really as rough as it looks. I was told, multiple times, that we were crazy for seeing the potential in this place.

And on to the second floor. The other part of this house that really captivated me from the beginning, was the landing at the top of the stairs. I loved the charm despite the ridiculous amount of water damage in the second picture--see it there? Behind the door on the left side?

The size of the bedrooms was also a big selling point. We knew that we wanted a larger family and the fact that we could fit a few kids in each room was a big deal. Try to look past the wallpaper, water damage, and dark dirty appearance. The gentleman who lived here before we bought it hadn't used the upstairs in years. The first picture is of our master bedroom.

Now are the three extra bedrooms. Bedroom number one had great natural light, but needed a lot of help with the walls and flooring. 

Bedroom number two looked great from the doorway--it even had beautiful curtains that we currently have hanging in our living room--but once you got through the door and turned around, things got a bit precarious. Look at that water damage! 

And then the final bedroom. It was quite a bit smaller than the other two bedrooms, but still had a great amount of space for a bed or a set of bunk beds. It needed a little help in the wallpaper department. 

Overall, this house had the bones of what we needed! We knew we could work with it and make it what we needed for our family. It has definitely come A LONG way since these pictures.

Why I Haven't Been Blogging

It has been six months since I have blogged. (My father-in-law is shaking his head in excitement because I have FINALLY posted something! :) Hey Dad!) 

I'm sorry it has been so long, but it has been for good reason. I have wanted to blog over the past six months, sometimes even composing blog posts in my head, but then, a still, small voice always makes me take pause and decide against whatever I am processing.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything 

is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

And this is the verse that stops me in my tracks. Over the past six months, and to be honest, even before that, I have been feeling convicted about what I post here and on my personal Facebook. I am constantly asking myself: Why do I blog? Why am I about to post this picture? Why do I want everyone to see this status? Why do I want to write a blog post about this task that I accomplished? 

Inevitably the answer would always come from a selfish place in my heart. I wanted you all to recognize my accomplishments within my home. I wanted to hear you sing praises about my adorable children. I wanted to make you think my life was perfect. But listen, please, when I say that this is the farthest thing from the truth. My life is NOT perfect. My children do have adorable moments, but they have deplorable moments just as frequently. And you may think my house is beautiful and put together, but that comes at an expense--one I'm not going to go into detail about now, but feel free to ask me about it whenever we are face to face. 

The bottom line?

God has been challenging and changing my heart these past six months. 

While I wish that I could post things on here as a way to keep my family updated on our lives (as they are flung far and wide across the world), that isn't the only motive I have--there are selfish ones too. 

The selfish motives I have stem from an insecurity that is deep within my heart. Instead of getting my self worth from the one who created me and gave me life, I have been putting it in the things and people around me. I have let others decide whether or not I am a good mom, wife, homemaker, daughter, etc. And that needs to stop. 

As life has progressed while I have been gone from this place, God has started to gently guide my heart towards His. He has challenged me to find that only solid and lasting self worth, is found in Him. If I put my confidences in the world around me, I will surely find a shaky foundation to build my life upon. When I feel mentally exhausted from a day of taking care of the kids, trying to keep the house clean, thinking/preparing dinner for the carpenter, and just living life, I find my rejuvenation comes from quiet moments reading my Bible and praying. This is a new thing for me, but it's been SO fulfilling and thirst-quenching. 

So please understand if I never come back to blogging. Please understand if I eventually delete my Facebook account. Please understand if, for me, social media becomes a thing of the past. 

I recently read this article by Christine Hoover. I am so, so guilty of this. I feel disconnected from my life, my children, my husband--those who are actually right in front of me. What did we even do before the invention of Facebook, twitter, pinterest, instagram, etc? I'm looking forward to finding that out. So while I do still post on Facebook as a way to keep my family updated on the children, and occasionally other things thrown in the mix, I'm not really sure I will post here any longer. My life is about my children and family right now and sitting in front of a computer is completely hindering that. 

First Stop, the Master Bedroom

First off, I want to say thank you for all of your comments yesterday! I truly love receiving feedback on a blog post. I think the best things can be achieved when everyone shares their experiences and people work together. With that being said, I thought I would share this journey, through home organization, with you! Maybe you can learn something from me, but most important, maybe you can teach me something! Goodness knows I love to learn and I think my friends and family are the best teachers! 

Before I get into today's post though, I have to make one thing clear: We have embraced our home. One thousand square feet is nothing to sneeze at, but the average american home home in 2010 was a little over 2,100 square feet (source). So, it posses some challenges that not everyone may have. That being said, EVERYONE experiences the challenge of fitting their things into their home. Our homes are basically a big (and beautiful) storage facility for our stuff--overly simplified, but so true. 

With this next baby on the way, I have felt challenged to really get rid of a bunch of our stuff (all the extra unimportant things) and make sure that what we have is important, needed, and intentional. I know there is so much stuff in our house, right now, that can be cleared out. And that is just what I intend on doing.

The first place I'm going to start is our master bedroom. This is an easy place to work on because Daniel doesn't go up their very often and it's also the furthest away from his room (meaning nap-times won't be disturbed). My initial goal was to come up with some guidelines for our room. These were going to be based on the functions that this room needs to embrace.

To me this is key to organizing a house: all your spaces must have assigned roles and responsibilities. For instance, you don't want bath towels stored in every room in the entire house. No, there should be one place that they all are located and that place should be as close to the bathroom as you can get it. For our master bedroom the list of roles I wanted to consider are as follows:

1. The bedroom needs to function as our bedroom, a newborn nursery, and a place for the dog's pens. 

2. In the long run, we will have a family closet in this room. (Daniel's room doesn't have a closet, so it makes sense to store the small amount of hanging clothes he has, in our closet). 

3. The overall space needs to be calming and possibly involve a place for nursing a newborn, curling up with a book, or just an extra space for mom/dad to escape to if need be. 

These are very basic, but will help me keep on track when I'm deciding what needs to go and what needs to stay. It's all about effective and efficient organization. Hopefully, I can show you what I mean in my next post. I'm off to start the process!

A New Challenge: Having a Smaller House and Where we are Going to put Baby #2

First off, let me begin by saying that I have fallen in love with our little house. I like that I don't have a huge space to clean, I love the coziness of it, and I am so excited about the plans we have for it in the future.

That being said, being that it's approximately one thousand square feet has posed quite a challenge for me. When we first moved in, it felt like tons of space. Even though we had moved from a bigger apartment, I knew that a bunch of our stuff wasn't truly needed.  Before we even moved I began the process of weeding through our things and consolidating a bit. Once we moved and I could see how things were going to fit, I was able to get rid of even more. Over the past two years, as we have slowly settled in and organized the house efficiently, it has seemed like there is just enough space for our little family.

Yet, as this pregnancy has progressed, and my urge to nest becomes increasingly stronger, I have become a bit overwhelmed by the space constraints of our house. Let me clarify a bit: I have become completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that we have! Holy moly...who needs this much stuff?!?! So, I'm in the mood to clear out EVERYTHING. I have started the process of ripping apart our house and getting rid of as much as I can. Oh boy is our house a disaster area.

Another reason for this massive undertaking is the need to create more space for our new little one. I'm so glad I have until the end of January to accomplish this task.  This has actually been the most common question I have been asked since we have let everyone know that we are expecting baby two. Most people know that we only have two bedrooms in our house and want to know where this baby is going to fit into the mix.

Well, the plan is to do the same thing we did with Daniel: he started off in our room in a pack-n-play until he was almost sleeping through the night--for Daniel this was about six months. Then, once he/she is sleeping through the night I think we will be moving the new baby in with Daniel. But, in order to make our house not feel too cramped, to make room for the growing space needs of our thirteen month old, and to create room for a new baby, things need to be organized in an efficient and effective way.

Thus a complete overhaul.

Thankfully it isn't quite this bad...but it may get there! 

So I will attempt to post progress pictures if I'm able to and show you the process as it happens. Right now just picture our dining room table covered with stuff and our guest bed covered with things also. This is going to be an entirely new experience with Daniel running around, but he seems to like it so far. Who wouldn't love all sorts of new things to explore?! :) Wish me luck!

Baby #2: How Things Are Going

Occasionally, I'm asked how this pregnancy is different compared to my pregnancy with Daniel. So, I thought I would write this post for my future self. I'm sure some day I will want to look back (probably when I get pregnant with our third) and remind myself how I felt this time around. The short? Certain things are worse and certain things are better. 

Exhaustion

For one, I'm definitely no where near as tired as I was with Daniel. I remember feeling completely and utterly exhausted with Daniel. My body was SO NOT used to being pregnant and for the first trimester and part of the second, I had to take a nap on a regular basis, or I just couldn't seem to function. This time around I do take naps occasionally...but I don't NEED them like I did with Daniel. 

Morning Sickness

With Daniel I remember feeling nauseous and being able to eat to make it go away. I felt that for most of my first trimester, but unfortunately it wasn't limited to just the morning. It would happen all day. Luckily it was easily fixed. This time around, I had the hunger nausea again, but with an active little boy to take care of, I wasn't able to just sit and eat whenever I wanted. As a result I definitely felt sicker this time around. Thankfully, I am into my second trimester, and the nauseousness has passed. 

General Health

Instead of putting all of this info into separate categories, I figured it could all be lumped together. With Daniel I just felt good. Besides the exhaustion and morning sickness, I loved being pregnant and my body seemed to handle it really well. This time around, I feel good as well, but have noticed a few more aches and pains. I have been having what I think is round ligament pain. It only happens occasionally, but usually makes me stop what I'm doing for a second. 

I also have been having a bit of soreness due to my c-section with Daniel. I truly felt fine after having my c-section and haven't really had any pain at the incision site until now. The further along in my pregnancy, the bigger I grow, the more frequently I feel little pricks of pain. Nothing to be alarmed about, but I think my scar is just figuring out how to stretch out. Coconut oil seems to be working wonders at keeping my skin pliable. 

Finally, I had a lot of migraines this time around. My midwife explained this as being caused by my body trying to make enough blood for me and the baby. She said that because my head is the highest part of my body, it might not be getting as much blood as it needs. Thankfully they have gone away as I have moved into my second trimester. 

Nesting

Oh this is a big difference for me. During my first pregnancy, the urge to nest never became really strong until a few days before Daniel was born. Sure I organized things and did my usual cleaning routine, but it was more out of habit and wanting to be prepared rather than having a feeling. This time around I have had an urge to nest since the beginning. Maybe it's because I know what is coming, having been through the newborn phase once now. Or maybe it's because I feel like our house is WAY more disheveled now than it was before, but either way, my urge is quite strong. 

BUT!!!

Apathy 

Then there is the apathy side of things. Oh darn the feeling of apathy. I never was really able to identify or put words to how I was feeling until Kate from The Small Things Blog wrote this post. While I was reading it, I just kept thinking 'Yes! That's me too!' This is something I didn't really notice with Daniel. But this time around, holy cow. I really have absolutely no motivation. Nesting sounds great and I have tons of mental lists about the things that I want to get accomplished, but man nothing is getting done. I just have no interest in tackling anything. I'm really hoping this passes soon. I do NOT like having my house like this, but at the same time don't feel any need to clean it. Any suggestions for pushing through this and tackling even the daily tasks that need to get done would be greatly appreciated!! 

Overall, I think I feel pretty good with this pregnancy. With Daniel I was beyond ecstatic to finally be pregnant and nothing could get me down. This time, I am beyond ecstatic too, but I think the apathetic feeling has sort of taken over. I know I should be planning, organizing, and getting ready, but something keeps holding me back. 

So, each day I just try to push myself. I motivate myself by making simple lists of things to accomplish each day. I try to make each task easily achievable so as not to feel overwhelmed. If I have a burst of 'hey! let's do this' I try to milk it for all it's worth. Whenever a bad day hits and I just can't seem to make myself do much, I try to rest in God's promises and remember that each day is a new day. Also, who really needs to have a perfectly clean house anyways? :) 

Ahhhh....A Sigh of Relief

Well, I think almost everyone knows. Yesterday we made it Facebook Official *rolls eyes* and announced that we are expecting our second little bundle of joy.

Yes. A second little one! I'm ecstatic, nauseous (thank you first trimester), and ready to get moving on all the things that I want to get done before this little one arrives. It's quite the list, let me tell you.

I still am in awe of the God that I serve. This little one will be born approximately 18 months after Daniel entered the world. Eighteen months. Guys this is crazy to me. I honestly didn't think that God's plans for us would be so overwhelmingly satisfying and abundant (stupid me).

I dreamed of having my own children. I had given over that dream to God letting Him tell me what He wanted for us. I was open to adoption. I was open to fostering. Heck, I was open to any kind of anything that He wanted to give us. I knew that no matter what His plan for us was, that it would be utterly fulfilling and my cup would always be full--if I was willing to embrace it that is.

When we first found out that we were pregnant with Daniel, I remember feeling in shock. Weeks before we got that positive pregnancy test, I had struggled on hand and knee crying out to God asking Him to please just show me a part of His plan. I was broken before Him. I was open, shattered, and willing--but I just needed something to give me direction. And He comforted me. The weeks up to finding out we were pregnant were so satisfying. I remember enjoying every moment with Jonathan. I wasn't worried about getting pregnant, I was instead satiated by the life I was currently living.

And just like that, completely unexpectedly, we were pregnant.

Just for the record, I don't believe that this is because I finally relaxed and my body was able to do it's thing. No. It was because of God. It was His timing. It was His plan. I had truly given over my most vulnerable desires at the time and He knew. 

This time around we weren't really planning anything either. We have been enjoying our little family of three. Things have been a bit chaotic as we go through some big business changes for Jonathan. Having another little one, while not exactly unexpected, was definitely not on our radar.

And then God.

As we start this journey again, I'm entering it much the same way I did last time. I'm completely at peace and excited to experience this pregnancy. I'm excited that Daniel will have a little brother or sister so close in age. I'm excited to make room in our cozy little house for another precious babe. I look forward to seeing my stomach expand and feeling the punches and kicks of new life. I'm looking forward to welcome a winter baby!--something completely different and exciting!

All this to say, I'm so thankful and humbled by this unexpected blessing!

A June Update

Hi everyone! 

Here's the post that you all have been jonesing for: an update on our life and current pictures of Daniel. 

Hmm...where to begin. 

Well, since the last time I wrote, things have changed a bit. I guess I should just jump right in. Sorry if things become a jumbled, update-full mess. 

Since summer is in full swing around here, Daniel and I have been spending a large part of our week walking around the neighborhood, hanging out with friends at the playground, and enjoying the warmer weather in general. I have learned that Daniel, like myself, doesn't care too much for the hot and muggy weather that Western NY can bring...so he, lucky duck, enjoys a mostly clothes free day whenever possible. 

Jonathan has been working hard and is in the midst of making a big transition with his business. He will be going solo this summer and be the sole proprietor of his business as of July 1st. This is a big transition not only for him, but for our family. Our house has expanded (not physically really, but more in functionality) to include his business office and a place to house all of the equipment he uses on a daily basis. Our garage has never looked better (because Jonathan built in a beautiful organization system for all of his supplies) and our house has never been more cramped (because now we have a full "corporate" office in our living space. After I get things fully moved in and organized, there will be pictures in a separate post on those adjustments. 

Daniel is growing sooo quickly (he just celebrated his 11 month birthday yesterday) and ohmygoodness, he is into everything. Now I officially understand that my house was NOT baby proof. We still need a bit more work on that front, but it is getting there. It has basically involved moving around a bunch of things and making sure that the stuff at Daniel's level is appropriate for him to be playing with. What a challenge! I guess for those of you who may not know, it would be a good time to tell you that Daniel has learned to crawl, walk along furniture, and recently, he has learned to climb stairs. My goodness, they learn fast!! 

His favorite "word" is "oooo!" which has led to him receiving the affectionate nickname of  Little Oo Oo, from his great grandparents. We also took away his binkie this past month. We decided it was time, as he was constantly throwing it out of his crib at nap/night time and crying until he was given it back. The transition went smoother than I thought it would and the first time he went to sleep without it, he only cried for 20 minutes if I remember correctly. The only side effect I have noticed is that his naps aren't as long anymore. But who knows if that is directly a result of taking the binkie away or just a normal thing as he gets older. 

Hmm, what else? 

Maybe a bunch of pictures will help to finish up this post? I plan on doing a few more posts full of updates on the house, Jonathan's work space, our garden, and maybe a smattering of other things. We'll just have to see what I feel like writing about. 

Happy Tuesday!