It's Beautiful

I can feel God's presence lately. Which is an awesome experience. I feel His love wrapped around me as I go throughout my day. It is reassuring. It is comforting and it reminds me that He is always guiding me and loving me. I know He is always near, but sometimes it is hard to actually feel it. The past few days, it has been undeniable.

It's beautiful. 

I've really been struggling lately with our infertility journey. Honestly, this is a trend. The emotional pain comes and goes, but lately it has been hitting me over and over. Will we ever have our own biological child? Is God calling us to adopt many children who need loving parents? Will we be blessed to help a teenager in crisis, by adopting their child? There are so many questions I have. Obviously only God knows the answers to these. And the pain, while excruciating at times, has taken on a different life. It is riddled with so much hope now. I feel the enthusiasm and excitement at the possibility of the life that God has called Jonathan and I to.

I know that we will adopt no matter what. This is a burden that has been placed on Jonathan and I. Our hearts yearn to love a child who needs a home. Just like God has loved us, we want to show that love to a child.

Unconditionally.

A few weeks ago, I was reading through a bunch of blogs and stumbled across this post. Go read it, yes...I will wait.

After reading the post, I knew in my heart that God was preparing something in me. We will adopt a child with some kind of physical abnormality. I tucked this truth away and have been pondering it ever since. Then I read this post and my heart swelled some more. God is planning something special for Jonathan and I. I too, tucked away this truth and have been dwelling upon it ever since.

With my emotions running high lately, I seem to be trudging through the day longing for our special day. We are anxious. I'm not going to lie. It has been really hard for us to be patient lately. We are ready to be parents. We are ready to love on a child of our own. Being an aunt and uncle is such a special gift, but being able to love on our child every minute of every day would be the biggest gift we could ever experience.

God is working on us. He has been molding our relationship, helping us to focus on Him. He has been showing us the beauty of His love in so many ways lately. I'm excited. I'm waiting with bated breath. My heart is jumping inside of me, anxious for God's plan for us.

And so we wait. 

The waiting game is awful at times, but this time it is filled with anticipation and peace, all at the same time. We are preparing ourselves to receive God's plan with open arms. After all, His ways are perfect.

There is comfort in having the author of all creation guiding our lives. 

There is comfort in knowing that God has our best interests at heart. 

There is peace in knowing that, one day, we will have a child and will be able to raise them to love the Lord God who has blessed us with so much. 

I cannot wait for that day.

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