Why I Haven't Been Blogging

It has been six months since I have blogged. (My father-in-law is shaking his head in excitement because I have FINALLY posted something! :) Hey Dad!) 

I'm sorry it has been so long, but it has been for good reason. I have wanted to blog over the past six months, sometimes even composing blog posts in my head, but then, a still, small voice always makes me take pause and decide against whatever I am processing.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything 

is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

And this is the verse that stops me in my tracks. Over the past six months, and to be honest, even before that, I have been feeling convicted about what I post here and on my personal Facebook. I am constantly asking myself: Why do I blog? Why am I about to post this picture? Why do I want everyone to see this status? Why do I want to write a blog post about this task that I accomplished? 

Inevitably the answer would always come from a selfish place in my heart. I wanted you all to recognize my accomplishments within my home. I wanted to hear you sing praises about my adorable children. I wanted to make you think my life was perfect. But listen, please, when I say that this is the farthest thing from the truth. My life is NOT perfect. My children do have adorable moments, but they have deplorable moments just as frequently. And you may think my house is beautiful and put together, but that comes at an expense--one I'm not going to go into detail about now, but feel free to ask me about it whenever we are face to face. 

The bottom line?

God has been challenging and changing my heart these past six months. 

While I wish that I could post things on here as a way to keep my family updated on our lives (as they are flung far and wide across the world), that isn't the only motive I have--there are selfish ones too. 

The selfish motives I have stem from an insecurity that is deep within my heart. Instead of getting my self worth from the one who created me and gave me life, I have been putting it in the things and people around me. I have let others decide whether or not I am a good mom, wife, homemaker, daughter, etc. And that needs to stop. 

As life has progressed while I have been gone from this place, God has started to gently guide my heart towards His. He has challenged me to find that only solid and lasting self worth, is found in Him. If I put my confidences in the world around me, I will surely find a shaky foundation to build my life upon. When I feel mentally exhausted from a day of taking care of the kids, trying to keep the house clean, thinking/preparing dinner for the carpenter, and just living life, I find my rejuvenation comes from quiet moments reading my Bible and praying. This is a new thing for me, but it's been SO fulfilling and thirst-quenching. 

So please understand if I never come back to blogging. Please understand if I eventually delete my Facebook account. Please understand if, for me, social media becomes a thing of the past. 

I recently read this article by Christine Hoover. I am so, so guilty of this. I feel disconnected from my life, my children, my husband--those who are actually right in front of me. What did we even do before the invention of Facebook, twitter, pinterest, instagram, etc? I'm looking forward to finding that out. So while I do still post on Facebook as a way to keep my family updated on the children, and occasionally other things thrown in the mix, I'm not really sure I will post here any longer. My life is about my children and family right now and sitting in front of a computer is completely hindering that.