My Dear Little Boy,

This week your mama is acutely aware of what a gift you are. I cannot stop thinking about the struggle I went through, emotionally, before I found out I was pregnant with you. There were days where I would be curled up on the couch and a complete emotional wreck. It was definitely an emotional battle that I fought constantly. I wouldn't allow myself to get my hopes up that He might change everything - just in case His plan was different than mine.

Oh little boy, I remember one afternoon in particular. I was working out on the treadmill and had some book in front of me. I think it might have been my Bible. I was looking through verses of God's promises and trying to focus on them as best I could. I was trying to distract myself from the discouragement I felt. I even had Glee on in the background - it used to be a surefire way to keep upbeat. I used to love to workout through their songs and dances. But as I continued to walk/run on that treadmill, I was overcome with amazing grief.

I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep fighting the negative feelings I had. I was tired. I was emotionally exhausted. At that point I collapsed to my knees, sobbing. I prayed over and over that God would please just take this burden from me. I begged that He would either bless us with a child or that He would take away my desire for a family. I just couldn't handle the in between anymore.

Little one, I'm here to tell you that God is good.

Through that time of trial, He made me strong. I am a much better mother today, because of everything I went through. I can look back and see clearly. I wasn't ready to be a mother yet. He is perfect in His timing.

This week I have been taking extra time to snuggle you. I love to kiss your sleeping face and stare into your exuberant eyes. Even in the midst of the times that I'm stressed out, because you won't stop fussing, I remember that you are my little miracle and blessing. I am so thankful for you. 

I want you to always know how much daddy and I love you. You have brought so much joy to our lives. Daniel, I also want you to know that God will always be there for you. Be patient as He teaches you lessons. Always keep your heart and eyes open for His grace and mercy. Never doubt that He is guiding you. He might not be doing exactly what you want Him to; but remember that He isn't ignoring you sweetheart. He is just doing everything in His perfect timing. He is Lord.

I love you my sweet boy.

Your Mama.

Daniel: Two Months Old

Our sweet little boy. 

Oh how you bring so much joy to our lives. I was just telling daddy that I feel so different with you around. Being your mommy has changed my life. I want you to always know the beauty and joy that God has surrounded our life in. His works are amazing. 

You celebrated your two month birthday this week! I can't believe that you are two months old already. Sometimes I feel like you have been part of our lives forever, but then I realize that it has only been two months. I'm glad that it has only been two months. I'm soaking all of this up--watching you grow is such a beautiful thing! 

Speaking of growing, you are getting SO big! You take your food very seriously. When you wake up, you make it known that you expect to eat immediately. Having your diaper changed or being burped in the middle of your meal are not acceptable in your book--you just want to gulp as much down as quickly as possible. At the doctors this week, you weighed in at 10 pounds and 8 ounces! This doesn't seem like much, but the doctor was very happy with your progress--and we are too! You also grew another inch! You're going to be a big boy aren't you? 

To celebrate your two month birthday, I decided to see how you handled your bumbo chair. While you may be technically to young for it, you seem to love it nonetheless. Mommy just makes sure to only leave you in it for ten minutes or less. You also are in cloth diapers 100% of the time, love to look at books while mommy reads to you, love to kick, and will talk to whomever will listen to you. 

One of your favorite places is daddy's shoulder. You and him share a special bond that makes mommy's heart melt. He is the best father and you are so blessed to have him as your father, little boy. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing he is to us. 

Keep growing my little man. 

Love, 

Your mama

The Big Announcement

Dear Little One,

At 6:30 pm, last night, we had our ultrasound to find out if you are a healthy 19 week old baby. And the good news is that you are perfect. The ultrasound tech said that whatever I'm doing, I should keep up, because you look fantastic. Your heart was beating around 150 beats per minute, your head size was on par, and you weighed approximately eleven ounces. He said that he could see you breathing, eating, and peeing. This made me ecstatic. Our healthy little baby. That is all I could ever hope for. I want nothing more than a healthy little one to be growing inside of me. 

Then I ventured the much anticipated question. 

The question that we waited all day to have answered. 

"So, is it a boy or girl?" 

He replied by saying, "Well I'm trying to figure that out. If you look at the screen the view we have right now is of the baby's butt. See the two legs sticking out here and how they are attached to the rounded area." 

Your daddy and I both voiced our understanding. 

I waited very impatiently for him to go on. 

Then, after what seemed like forever, he said, "Well it looks like a boy! I'm having a hard time getting a really good view. But, from what I can see, it looks like a boy!"

He continued to explain to us that he was about 75% sure that you were a little boy, but to remember that there is a definite possibility that you could be a girl upon delivery. 

Little one, it doesn't truly matter. You are healthy. You are growing as you should be. You are such a gift from our Heavenly Father, that no matter what gender you are, we will welcome you with open arms. 

As your daddy and I walked into the doctor's office last night, we both shared that we were mostly excited to see you. To see your little arms, watch your legs move around, and check out that adorable profile again. 

You are ours.

You are an answer to so many prayers.  

We will never take that for granted. 

Your mommy loves you and cannot wait to hold you. Keep growing little one and know that we are (not very patiently) waiting for you. 

Love, 

me

{source}

Dear Little One,

Where do I even begin? I sit here on a freezing cold day and all I can think about is sharing it with you and your wonderful daddy. If you were here this very second, we would be snuggled up on the couch reading book after book and watching the wind swirl the snow around outside. You will like to read right? After all, you come from a long line of avid readers. I already have all sorts of books waiting for you. I hope you love to read.

It is crazy to think how much you have changed our small world already. Daddy and I are busy making lists of things we want to accomplish before you are born. We have to gut the room that will be your nursery and do a bunch of small things around the house to make sure it is all ready for you. We also want to make sure our veggie garden is planted. Mommy and daddy are so excited to have fresh homegrown veggies this year. I also can't wait to show you around the garden once you arrive. I have a feeling you will love spending time in our backyard, curled up on a blanket, enjoying the shade of one of our big maple trees.

All day long I wonder what it will be like to hold you. I have dreamt of you for so long, little one.  I can't wait to smell your smell, feel your soft skin, and see you looking at me. I can't wait to hear that first cry, knowing that you are finally here with us. I have been enjoying these past months of getting to know you as you grow within me, but I cannot wait to experience you face-to-face.  I get the chills just thinking about it. God has truly blessed us. I am so thankful for all that He has given us.

I also can't wait to share with you the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. For you. I can't wait to tell you about the struggle that daddy and I had as we patiently waited for God's perfect timing. Little one, God is always faithful. He always provides. He never stops loving us. I can't wait to show you that. I can't wait to see you grow in your faith with our amazing God. To Him be all the glory, honor, and praise. Little one, He has loved you long before I was able to. Always know that He loves you.

I know that meeting you for the first time is still months away, but I can't help but dream of you my precious baby. Just know that your mommy and daddy love you very much. You are the answer to many, many prayers. We love you.

Love,
Your mom