This morning I'm thanking God for the blessing of His son. What a humbling gift to give. 

Today will be spent with family. A low key, lovely day is planned. I'm already enjoying it by folding some laundry and drinking eggnog in my coffee.  Here is a bit of our Christmas decorations for your viewing pleasure.

From our family, to yours, Merry Christmas!!

This Weather

Oh, this weather! I have been giddy about the weather that we are currently getting.

I missed the first storm of the season--we were out of town for Thanksgiving--so, this new storm is just what the doctor ordered :)

These are the days that I have dreamed about sharing with my children. Even though Daniel is still too young to comprehend the beauty of what is going on outside, I'm determined to share it with him.

We have played under the Christmas tree. He has watched me excitedly open the many packages of gifts coming in and then watched me wrap said gifts. We have snuggled and enjoyed lots of time curled up in our little house. Guys, let me tell you, this house becomes magical in the middle of winter. It is like a warm cocoon for my little family. We love it.

What I'm most excited about is the fact that they are calling for more snow!

More snow?! Man, I'm a lucky girl. 

Excuses.

Today I'm just feeling the urge to blog. There are so many things racing through my head. It's times like these that I wish I were a better writer. I need practice. In these moments I am able to formulate various blog posts without an issue. They sound great (in my head) and make tons of sense. But when I sit down to write them, they come out jumbled and confusing. Maybe if I took a few writing classes it would help. Fellow writers, any advice?

Moving on.

This time of year always has me thinking about the start of the new year. It's almost like a have a month to prepare for my new life. The start of a new year makes me want to be a whole different person. I find myself saying things like "from this day forward..." or "after today I won't...." Yea, then nothing ever happens.

I have been focusing on my motivation (or rather, lack there of) lately. I'm starting to realize that motivation isn't something you necessarily have, rather, it is something you do. Recently on Facebook, I asked a general question about motivation: "Where do you find your motivation?" The answers that I received back, were not what I expected. The majority of people said that they just. do. it.

Maybe Nike is on to something-ha!

Of course there were some very good ideas for holding yourself accountable and self motivation, but the comment that was the most frequent was to just put one step in front of the other. Maybe this is something that a lot of other people don't struggle with, but it is definitely something I do. I am able to generate a lot of ideas for things that I would love to do. They sound great in my mind and I think "oh that should be easy!" but then, when I attempt my idea, it turns out to be easier said than done. The process usually ends with a lot of excuses as to why I didn't accomplish my task. Anyone else have this problem? Please tell me I'm not alone.

Slowly God is doing His work in me. He is showing me, at a pace that I can handle, that all of my excuses are empty ones. They have no substance. They may be fears, shortcomings, or just plain nonsense that I have developed in order to justify my lack of motivation. When you really don't want to do something, or something becomes hard, it's easy to find a reason not to. I often find myself asking if it is really worth my time or energy. Rationalizing an idea away can be quite easy.

Trust me, I'm an expert at it!

All my life I have been concocting all sorts of reasons why I can't accomplish my on going to-do list. I don't want to do this anymore. By second guessing myself and coming up with excuses, I'm left believing that I'm incapable of doing a lot of things that I can definitely do. It's almost paralyzing to some degree. I think enough is enough. 

As this new year approaches, I have a new perspective. Not only to I want to focus on giving myself realistic tasks to accomplish, I also want to make sure that I'm not creating any excuses. I want to be sensible about what I want to tackle and set up a plan to finish those tasks. And when I start hearing myself make up excuses, I want to be able to immediately put an end to them. With a lot of prayer, focus, and understanding, I think 2014 will be completely different than 2013.

I'm excited! I'm excited to grow even more as a wife, mother, and follower of my heavenly Father. I'm excited to show my little boy how healthy his mom can be. I'm praying that God will continue to create in me the mother that my little boy deserves. I'm so thankful that through Him, and Him alone, I can be changed into an entire new person.

Thank you Lord for your amazing power and understanding. 

P.S. These pictures have nothing to do with the content of this post, but you have to have pictures right?

Delightful.

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. 

It's that time of year again. My favorite time of the year.

The weather turns cold and blustery. Winds whip, precipitation-of all sorts-happens, and it generally becomes beautifully gross outside. 

I love it. 

I think this year is going to be extra special and I will probably remember it forever. I'm already cherishing it. This is the first year that I will have a baby to share this extra-special time of the year with. I'm excited. I can't wait to teach Daniel how hibernate during these next few months. I hope he grows up to love this time of the year as much as I do. 

This is the time for some serious rejuvenation to happen. While the world hides away for awhile, we will be doing the same in a figurative sense. It is the time for deep contemplation--challenging the body, mind, and soul. It's time for rest. It's time for a bit of a break. To me, winter is an opportunity. I look at it as a blessing to take a break from the hustle and bustle of spring, summer, and fall. Only winter can bring about this type of peace and quiet that we all need. 

I'm hoping that there is a lot of snuggles, reading, tea-drinking, blankets, movies, playing, baking, and crocheting to be had. I'm going to try to make a point of enjoying winter with a baby--there are so many fun opportunities to be had during this time in our lives. This is all so new and exciting and I'm ready to jump right in. 

I think I will make it a point to stay at home as often as possible. Not only because going out with a baby and doing errands in the snow sounds horrible, but because it just seems right to do so. Winter is for being home. Spring, summer, and fall are for being out and about.

I'm sure there will be many adventures out into the winter wonderland, but whenever possible, I want to full embrace the comfort and nest-y feel that seems to envelope our home during these next few months. I'm telling you people. It is magical. 

Now to find a cozy fireplace...

On Perfection

The other day I was making our bed and noticed the way that the sun was streaming in through our window. I instantly thought about taking a picture and posting it on here. The way that the sun was hitting our nicely made bed, seemed to make the perfect picture.

But here is the thing. This picture makes it look like our bedroom is clean and all put together. I could post this picture and give the impression that my world is clean and organized. I could let you assume that I have it all together. That one simple picture could make you think so many different things.

But there is so much more that you don't see.

You don't see the pile of laundry that is just behind the headboard--I just easily moved my camera to block it out. You don't see the stack of pregnancy clothes that is sitting in the corner, waiting to be put away (for almost 3 months now). You don't see the stack of dirty dishes sitting in my kitchen sink (and all over my counter). And you don't see this:

or this:

See, it is so easy for a picture to give the impression that everything is perfect. That a person has everything together. That, even during a chaotic time in life, such as having a newborn, one can seemingly hold it all together. Yet, that really isn't the case.

Having a baby--and, well, also having the propensity to constantly challenge my unhealthy habits--has made me realize that my type A personality and slight OCD are a heavy burden to carry. Having everything clean and orderly isn't necessarily a good thing and only gives the outward appearance of being in control.

Hear my out for a second.

As I was staring at the first scene above--the one where light is filtering in through the window and everything is seemingly "perfect"-- I realized that perfection is only 'skin deep' so to speak. When someone posts a picture on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, we only see what they want us to see. The perfectly smiling child or the well kept house might look a little different if we were to get a glimpse of the whole picture. That child might have just stopped screaming after an hour of being unsettled and that perfectly kept house, in reality, is just a calm corner in the midst of chaos. We need to realize that what seems like perfection, might not always be.

Even more so, we need to stop using these false glimpses as a standard for our own personal lives. Finding the beauty in our everyday activities should be our goal. Trust me, there is so much good around us, we just need to learn to be aware of it and see it. 

I tend to expect too much from myself. When I make this huge list of unrealistic goals, and then don't accomplish them, I get really frustrated and beat myself up about it. If things aren't 'perfect' I get mad at myself and the negative self talk starts.  If someone comes over to our house and every space isn't spotless, I am ashamed. I set my expectations so high, only to never achieve them.

This needs to STOP.

In short: NONE of the above is important.

Rather, I should be looking for the perfection and beauty in my day as it happens. I should be focusing on snuggling my beautiful boy and watching him learn and grow, instead of worry about how clean my house is or if the files on my computer are organized. He is only this young once.  I really don't want to look back and think that I missed something about the process of him growing up.

If I wait for everything to be perfect, trying as hard as I can to get there, I am going to miss a lot, and will probably never actually get there.

There are so many more important things in life. Having a clean house is not one of them...

Daniel: Week 11

My Dear Little Boy,

This week your mama is acutely aware of what a gift you are. I cannot stop thinking about the struggle I went through, emotionally, before I found out I was pregnant with you. There were days where I would be curled up on the couch and a complete emotional wreck. It was definitely an emotional battle that I fought constantly. I wouldn't allow myself to get my hopes up that He might change everything - just in case His plan was different than mine.

Oh little boy, I remember one afternoon in particular. I was working out on the treadmill and had some book in front of me. I think it might have been my Bible. I was looking through verses of God's promises and trying to focus on them as best I could. I was trying to distract myself from the discouragement I felt. I even had Glee on in the background - it used to be a surefire way to keep upbeat. I used to love to workout through their songs and dances. But as I continued to walk/run on that treadmill, I was overcome with amazing grief.

I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep fighting the negative feelings I had. I was tired. I was emotionally exhausted. At that point I collapsed to my knees, sobbing. I prayed over and over that God would please just take this burden from me. I begged that He would either bless us with a child or that He would take away my desire for a family. I just couldn't handle the in between anymore.

Little one, I'm here to tell you that God is good.

Through that time of trial, He made me strong. I am a much better mother today, because of everything I went through. I can look back and see clearly. I wasn't ready to be a mother yet. He is perfect in His timing.

This week I have been taking extra time to snuggle you. I love to kiss your sleeping face and stare into your exuberant eyes. Even in the midst of the times that I'm stressed out, because you won't stop fussing, I remember that you are my little miracle and blessing. I am so thankful for you. 

I want you to always know how much daddy and I love you. You have brought so much joy to our lives. Daniel, I also want you to know that God will always be there for you. Be patient as He teaches you lessons. Always keep your heart and eyes open for His grace and mercy. Never doubt that He is guiding you. He might not be doing exactly what you want Him to; but remember that He isn't ignoring you sweetheart. He is just doing everything in His perfect timing. He is Lord.

I love you my sweet boy.

Your Mama.

Apple Pie

Yesterday, I attempted my first semi-homemade pie. I made an apple pie. I used this recipe. It just felt right to make an apple pie during this time of year. It's common sense right?  I have a few things that I would change next time (and there will definitely be a next time). I'm going to record my changes here:

Make sure to peel the apples -- Don't be silly and assume that it will taste just as good with peels on. It won't. It will have a weird texture that sort of puts a damper on the taste. 

Double the topping -- I think this should just be a rule in life. The topping is always the best part and should thus, be doubled. 

You can use any kind of apple you'd like -- while granny smith apples might add a whole new dimension to the flavor, we used the ones we have from our backyard...not sure what kind they are, but they have a mild, not-too-sweet-not-too-tart, flavor.

Make a homemade crust -- I had some Pillsbury crust in the fridge that I needed to use up. While it tasted just fine with it, I think a homemade crust would truly round out this pie.  

And, I have to say, I probably won't count this as my first pie because the crust wasn't homemade. It was such an easy thing to make -- the filling that is -- and I feel like a real homemade pie should involve a homemade crust. Anyways, here's my notes for when I finally attempt my first homemade pie. 

Happy weekend!